you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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