If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
