I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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