I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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