I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
