Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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