Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
