Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
