you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
