honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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