I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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