peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
