Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
