During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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