Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this will be a night to untag.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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