I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
