How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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