Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
