Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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