i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just gift wrapped bread.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
