I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
