If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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