i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
3 2 1 whiskey
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
