I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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