As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
