My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
