Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
