she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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