I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
