On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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