why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
