I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
