The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
