if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
