four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
