i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
