Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
