i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize