I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
