He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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