that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
