its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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