Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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