Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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