I CAN MOONWALK!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
