i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
