Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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