Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
