I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
