Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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