I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
