I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Houston, we have a blender
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
