Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
