Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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