Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
