boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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