So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
