I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
