My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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