Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
