he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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