He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
