everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
